I used to be allergic to waking up early in the morning. It made me break out in sobriety. I must have been drunk when I decided to start doing it, because it was clearly a Rock-Bottom-New-Year’s Resolution level of desperation and arrogance that fueled my first day.

The local college usually had the gate to their outdoor track wide open for everyone to use. But it was too early, so I had to run around the campus instead. That was worrying, because it meant people could SEE me being pathetic. And I much prefer being pathetic in private. It was precisely 27 degrees outside, and the wind was blowing just precisely enough to cut through my many layers of clothing and cause my balls to disappear completely into my abdomen.

I moved along the ice-covered sidewalks as slowly as I could to keep from falling on my ass. I felt like I was running, but to anyone else, I looked like I was walking. I winced, and gritted my chittering teeth, and contemplated the inevitability of my suffering. I had the nerve to sweat, and so the world grew colder.

I felt all alone out there as people drove by on their way to places that they HAD to be, shaking their heads at how stupid someone was to WANT to be there. They were wrong though. I didn’t want to be there either, not really. My body screamed at me to go back home, crawl into bed, and take the day off. It tells me the same exact thing every day to this day, and I doubt it will ever stop.

I think waking up early to work on yourself is one of those things most people feel like they should be doing but don’t because of how badly it sucks. The only times I’ve felt as terrible as when I now wake up at 5AM to exercise are the times I used to stay up until 5AM to binge drink. But I was never alone when I was drinking. I could always look over and see someone else happily ruining their life right along with me. It was a bond that could only be adequately expressed by bumping our drinks together with a satisfying clink.

But when you wake up that early to selfishly work on your book, or your business, or your body, you’re always alone. That’s the point. There’s no one to distract you from going after what you want. There’s no one to ask you for a favor, or get mad at you for not answering that text or email or jury summons or whatever. And most importantly, there’s no one there to do the work for you. It’s on you.

So you wake up, and you suffer. Alone. And you just kind of have to be OK with that, somehow.

But then, occasionally, something magical happens. You look up, and you see another human being doing that same morning run, in that same shitty weather, with that same pained look on their face. And as you run toward each other, they see you too. And it’s genuinely surprising, because you know how crazy YOU are. So they must be as equally crazy as you, the poor bastards.

And then you realize, no, you’re not alone. There are other people out there you don’t even know, that you’ll never even meet, all doing the same stupid impossible shit you are, because they all had that same stupid impossible idea you did. And it makes you smile because someone GETS it.

As we passed by each other, we didn’t have glasses, so we bumped fists. And it felt better to bump fists in that moment than it had in years of staying up late in college trying to bump uglies.

I knew him. He knew me. We were the same, each of us stranded out in the ocean, each of us desperately trying to be an island even though we were in the same boat. And that was enough to keep me going.

I don’t know what stupid idea is running through your head right now making you feel utterly alone. That secret thing you chase that makes you feel like the whole world is stacked against you. That impossible mountain you need to climb with broken legs and bleeding hands and birds shitting on your head for sport.

But keep going, because if you do, you’ll eventually meet someone else covered in self-inflicted bird shit too. And then you’ll get to have that tiny, fleeting moment where you bump proverbial fists, even if you’re living across the world from each other.

That tiny, fleeting moment might end up being the single greatest utterly insignificant thing you’ll ever experience. And that will be enough to keep you going.

Imagine you’re walking through the city at night, and you feel a sharp pain in your chest. It’s so strong that you clutch your chest and begin to wonder if you’re having a heart attack.

”Help!” you yell. “I need a Doctor!”

Two men approach you at once.

The first looks at you and says, “I’m a Doctor! I graduated from Harvard Medical School and I got a 4.0 GPA!”

That sounds impressive.

”I’m also a Doctor,” the second man says, “but I didn’t graduate from Harvard.”

The Harvard Doctor puffs up his chest and begins to brag about how rigorous his education was. You wince in pain.

The Harvard graduate barely notices, but the second Dr. helps you to a bench and starts fishing in his pocket for a TUMS. He gets you to take deep, controlled breaths as you’re peppered with questions by the Harvard man. It’s stressful, but the second Dr. assures you everything will be fine. After a while, the pain in your chest subsides, and you relax fully.

Now imagine it’s six months later, and your chest hurts. Who do you call? The man who bragged about what he could do, or the man who did it?

There’s a marketing lesson here. And it’s something like, “Quit focusing on yourself so much and start focusing on your customer.” But it’s also something like, “The best way to show someone you can help them is by actually going ahead and doing it.”

And if I’m wrong, I guess that means you’d call the Harvard grad?

I’m not getting paid for this, but check out Brain.fm if you haven’t already.

I use it all the time to help me focus on my work, which requires having a lot of things moving at once on my computer screen. Even as I’m typing this I’ve got more than a dozen other open tabs and programs, each one serving an important function in my business and my workday.

So anything that helps cut out the noise that the internet constantly generates that can distract you from the tasks you have to complete to move forward is great.

You know it takes about 15 minutes or so to sink into that flow state of focus when you are working, and when you’re distracted it can knock you right out of that state, and it takes you 15 minutes to get back. So anything that helps you stay in that flow state for longer is ALSO great.

Brain.fm is like listening to a study playlist on YouTube, or a binaural audio video, but better. The people who made it are using crazy neuroscience to help you. And you can use it for meditation and sleep, too. There’s been many nights where I’ve been unable to fall asleep because my mind was racing and I put some headphones in and turned on brain.fm…

…and within minutes I was dozing.

No, I don’t have some forward slash my name discount code for you or anything. Like I said, I’m not getting paid for this. But if you care about doing work on your computer, then brain.fm might save you some time and free up space for more important things in your life than mindlessly surfing as a procrastination measure.

I think I’m going to main Richter. I’ve always been a Link main, but I don’t know if I’ll be satisfied with the changes. Pikachu is also looking sick and…

The plant.

My god the plant.

Actually, you know what, I’m just going to main everyone.

That’s perfectly reasonable and makes 100% sense if you don’t think about it.

For quite a while now. It’s called, tentatively, “Iteration”. I’m excited about it.

It’ll be a mash up of a lot of styles of my favorite games, like Undertale, Earthbound, The Legend of Zelda, Hollow Knight, and more.

It’s tough work, because it’s so large of a project. I definitely chip away at it slowly, and don’t get to work on it as much as I’d like to, but I feel compelled to do it.

I’ll try to post (spoiler free!) updates here, and on a future site I’ll be making specifically made for the game. If you want to chat about it or lend a hand, let me know! I need all the help I can get.

I’ve decided I like Squarespace. I want something easy to use, and boy is this it. I’m not sure what this site is supposed to be yet. Hey, it’s not even published or remotely complete. But I’ve always created websites and let them die because I had no real goal for building them, wanting them to be so many different things at once. Perhaps I’ll just let this one become whatever it wants to, and just keep building it anyway.